I’m always a bit of a nervous nelly. A little high strung. A little control-freak-y. But this summer, I seem to be *mostly* a nervous nelly. I am having an anxious, anxious summer.
It’s not too clear to me why this period has me up at night or dealing with butterflies in my tummy or dreaming scary dreams. It seems to be about my boys though.
This summer is all about new experiences for them. Andrew’s been in camps that are not associated with school and Isaac started horseback riding. And for a mama that keeps her boys closecloseclose, it’s been a little nerve wracking. When I take them places, I usually hold hands with *both* of them. Even 9 year old, Andrew. One of the pillars of my parenting is all about: keep-them-close, keep-them-safe, keep-them-from-wreking-havoc. And so, to pass them off to near strangers to do somewhat dangers activities (like ride on the backs of strong, powerful animals and get in giant pools of water for swim lessons), it’s been sort of a big deal for me.
What if? What if Andrew, under the false illusion that he CAN swim, tries to jump into the deep end and no one notices? What if Isaac’s riding teacher underestimates Isaac’s impulsivity and wiggliness and he falls off the horse? What if he gets STEPPED on by the horse?! It’s hard for me to trust and let go a little. But dang it, I’m doing it anyway.
Instead of thinking myself as a nervous nelly…maybe I should reframe it. I am BRAVE.
We are in new territory, folks. *older* kid territory. Which means a little more letting go. A little more trusting them and trusting others and watching these boys GROW and impress me. But, sadly, for a worry wart like me, it also means some sleepless nights. Sigh.
Luckily, my nervous energy has expressed itself through compulsive cleaning. The other day I disassembled the heating units in our living room to vacuum out the dust. I scrubbed the kitchen sink drain with a toothbrush and baking soda and rinsed it with boiling vinegar. Our junk drawers are organized, the tops of the ceiling fan blades are dusted and there are no more crumbs in between the couch cushions. So, maybe I should think of this as a win-win. Letting the boys do new things not only is good for THEM, it makes for a mighty clean home.